Reformed Churchmen
We are Confessional Calvinists and a Prayer Book Church-people. In 2012, we remembered the 350th anniversary of the 1662 Book of Common Prayer; also, we remembered the 450th anniversary of John Jewel's sober, scholarly, and Reformed "An Apology of the Church of England." In 2013, we remembered the publication of the "Heidelberg Catechism" and the influence of Reformed theologians in England, including Heinrich Bullinger's Decades. For 2014: Tyndale's NT translation. For 2015, John Roger, Rowland Taylor and Bishop John Hooper's martyrdom, burned at the stakes. Books of the month. December 2014: Alan Jacob's "Book of Common Prayer" at: http://www.amazon.com/Book-Common-Prayer-Biography-Religious/dp/0691154813/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1417814005&sr=8-1&keywords=jacobs+book+of+common+prayer. January 2015: A.F. Pollard's "Thomas Cranmer and the English Reformation: 1489-1556" at: http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Cranmer-English-Reformation-1489-1556/dp/1592448658/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420055574&sr=8-1&keywords=A.F.+Pollard+Cranmer. February 2015: Jaspar Ridley's "Thomas Cranmer" at: http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Cranmer-Jasper-Ridley/dp/0198212879/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422892154&sr=8-1&keywords=jasper+ridley+cranmer&pebp=1422892151110&peasin=198212879
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
The Osteenification of the American Church
The Osteenification of the American Church
Recently, I flipped into an interview involving Singaporean mega-pastor Joseph Prince. The more I tuned in, the faster my heart rate. [His] disregard for the meaning and context of Scripture was simply breathtaking. It all led up to taking a shower and beginning work on a book now titled The Osteenification of American Christianity.
Why Osteenification? Because Joel Osteen is the prime provocateur of a seductive brand of American Christianity that reduces God to a means to our ends. A message that beckons multitudes to the table of the Master, not for the love of the Master but for what is on the table. He is the de facto high priest of a new brand of Christianity perfectly suited for a feel-good generation. And while a host of pretenders (including Prince) follow in his train, Osteen is clearly the biggest of the bunch—according toPeople magazine, “twice as big as the nearest competitor.” And his claim to America’s largest church is just a small part of the story. With one billion impressions per month on Facebook and Twitter, Osteen is the hip new personification of God-talk in America.
But here’s the problem. Behind Osteenian self-affirmations—“I am anointed,” “I am prosperous,” “My God is a ‘supersizing God’”—there lies a darker hue. Behind the smile is a robust emphasis on all that is negative. If you are healthy and wealthy, words created that reality. However, if you find yourself in dire financial straits, contract cancer, or, God forbid, die an early death, your words are the prime suspect. Says Osteen, “We’re going to get exactly what we’re saying. And this can be good or it can be bad” (Discover the Champion in You, May 3, 2004). In evidence, he cites one illustration after the other. One in particular caught my attention: the story of a “kind and friendly” worker at the church. He died at an early age, contends Osteen, “being snared by the words of his mouth” (I Declare[FaithWords, 2012], viii–ix).
This illustration serves to underscore a predictable trend; a trend now pandemic in American Christianity. Osteen and company simply use the Scriptures to communicate whatever they want. Again and again, Scripture is tortured in the process of deluding the faithful. As even the most cursory reading of Proverbs 6 makes plain, being “snared by the words of your mouth” has nothing to do with negatively professing death into one’s own life and everything to do with a divine warning against making rash pledges.
While in The Osteenification of American Christianity I highlight the Osteenian proclivity for Scriptorture, atonement atrocities, and obsession with anecdotes on generational curses and frequent use of urban legends, what Osteen has most popularized in Christian circles is a baptized version of New Thought Metaphysics. In essence, a version of “the law of attraction” popularized by Rhonda Byrne in her runaway bestseller The Secret (Atria Books, 2006). For Byrne, the genie is the “law of attraction,” which, for Osteen, is rejiggered “the Word of Faith.” As such, he is committed to the notion that faith is a force, that words are the containers of the force, and that through the force of faith people create their own realities. As he explains in his mega-bestseller, Your Best Life Now (Warner Faith, 2004), “You have to begin speaking words of faith over your life. Your words have enormous creative power. The moment you speak something out you give birth to it. This is a spiritual principle, and it works whether what you are saying is good or bad, positive or negative” (p. 129).
Byrne and her contributors are remarkably open to dangerous hues of “the secret’s” dark underbelly. As such, she points out events in history “where masses of lives were lost.” Says Byrne, “If people believe they can be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and they have no control over outside circumstances, those thoughts of fear, separation, and powerlessness, if persistent, can attract them to being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” She emphatically concludes, “Nothing can come into your experience unless you summon it through persistent thoughts” (The Secret, 28). Likewise, when Osteen describes the horrific genocide of nearly one million Rwandans, the implications are never far from the surface. Wherever tragedy strikes, thoughts and words are at the center of the narrative.
For Osteen, words are downright magical. “In the physical realm, you have to see it to believe it, but God says you have to believe it, and then you’ll see it.” Exhorts Osteen, “Think about it. Your words go out of your mouth and they come right back into your own ears. If you hear those comments long enough, they will drop down into your spirit, and those words will produce exactly what you’re saying.” As proof, Osteen invokes the Bible: “The Scripture tells us that we are to ‘call the things that are not as if they already were’” (Become a Better You [Free Press, 2007], 111, 112). As he must surely know, Scripture says nothing of the sort. Indeed, the very passage Osteen references (Romans 4:17) clearly communicates that it is “the God who gives life”—notwe—who “calls things that are not as though they were.”
Osteenian Scriptorture is not unique. His words and phrases are now mimicked in pulpits throughout the land. As a result, Christianity has been plunged into an ever-deepening crisis. If occult sources such as those referenced in The Secret pose the greatest threat to the body of Christ from without, the deadly doctrines disseminated through the Osteenification of Christianity pose the greatest threat to Christianity from within. To avert the carnage, a paradigm shift of major proportions is desperately needed—a shift from perceiving God as a means to an end, to the recognition that He is the end.For the rest, see:
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/philosophicalfragments/2014/03/19/osteenification-and-what-it-portends/
BREAKING/BUSTED: Joel Osteen's Church Theft Opens Can of Worms: Jaws Drop as Folks Do the Math
Friday, March 14, 2014
Thief Steals $600K from Joel "The Huckster-κάπηλος" Osteen & the Houston Hothouse
2 Corinthians 2.17: οὐ γάρ ἐσμεν ὡς οἱ πολλοὶ καπηλεύοντες τὸν λόγον τοῦ θεοῦ, ἀλλ' ὡς ἐξ εἰλικρινείας, ἀλλ' ὡς ἐκ θεοῦ κατέναντι θεοῦ ἐν Χριστῷ λαλοῦμεν.
The apocryphal Ecclesiaticus 26:29 has the same word: οὐ δικαιωθήσεται κάπηλος ἀπό ἁμαρτίας (and an huckster shall not be freed from sin).
Speaking of a huckster, doing some background reading on Pope "The Huckster- κάπηλος" Leo X and his infamous indulgence of 15 Mar 1517, the indulgence that set Bruder Martin off. Rome is still selling their paresh (Hebrew word).
H/t to Mr. Andy Underhile for this on the Greek word κάπηλος.
Barnes' notes: "Which corrupt the word of God - Margin, "deal deceitfully with." The word used here (καπηλεύοντες kapēleuontes) occurs nowhere else in the New Testament, and does not occur in the Septuagint. The word is derived from κάπηλος kapēlos, which signifies properly a huckster, or a retailer of wine, a petty chapman; a man who buys up articles for the purpose of selling them again. It also means sometimes a vintner, or an innkeeper. The proper idea is that of a small dealer and especially in wine. Such persons were notorious, as they are now, for diluting their wines with water (compare the Septuagint in Isaiah 1:22); and for compounding wines of other substances than the juice of the grape for purposes of gain. Wine, of all substances in trade, perhaps, affords the greatest facilities for such dishonest tricks; and, accordingly, the dealers in that article have generally been most distinguished for fraudulent practices and corrupt and diluted mixtures. Hence, the word comes to denote to adulterate; to corrupt, etc."
Bottomline: "He [Joel] who snookers others just got snookered."
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
$600K Stolen From Osteen's Church: "Your Best Heist Now: Prosperity Now"
http://www.christianitytoday.com/gleanings/2014/march/600000-offering-stolen-from-joel-osteen-lakewood-church.html
$600,000 Stolen from Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church Offering

We were heartbroken to learn today that funds were stolen from the church over the weekend. This includes cash, checks and envelopes containing written credit card information, and it is limited only to those funds contributed in the church services on Saturday, March 8 and Sunday, March 9, 2014. If you made a contribution during these weekend services, we would encourage you to pay close attention to your accounts over the next several days and weeks and report any suspicious activity to your financial institution or credit card company immediately.
It is important to note this was not an electronic data breach, but was instead limited to donations made in the services on March 8 and 9, 2014. You were not affected if you put your offering in a drop box, you gave online or through other electronic means, or you made a bookstore purchase. We are working with the police to fully investigate the incident. The funds were fully insured, and we are working with our insurance company to restore the stolen funds to the church.
If you have any questions about this matter, please contact our Customer Service Department at 713-491-1506. The integrity of our congregants' information is of utmost importance to us. And, we would like to thank you for your continued support.
Friday, March 7, 2014
7 Mar 203 AD: (1662 Book of Common Prayer): Perpetua, Martyr
- What say you Joel Osteen? Joel, here’s a few tweets from the martyrs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KA_wWmVlypg. Joel, ever read anything about people like this? Like elementary church histories?
- What of the robust narcissism in Americano-religio? It’s “all about me,” right?
- We believe John Foxes records this in his Acts and Monuments, but what is the volume number and page?
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
(9-Marks.Org): Book Review of Osteen's "Break Out!"
Book Review: Break Out!, by Joel Osteen
Detroit’s freeways are framed by dozens of billboards featuring happy, young, successful people enjoying a night of games and entertainment at one of the city’s casinos. The sleek, enticing images preach an alluring message: “Greatness awaits you in the casinos.” “You were born to be lucky.” On and on it goes. A closer look reveals the 1-800 number for Gambler’s Anonymous. And if you ever went to a casino, you would find that the reality does not quite match the billboard.
For years, potential casino operators attempted to get gambling legalized in Detroit. On three different occasions, they got an initiative on the ballot, but there was one pastor in the city who stood in their way. He knew what gambling would do to this city. He organized and educated, and each time the initiative was defeated. Then this pastor had a serious heart attack, and the initiative for casinos in Detroit was back in play. This time, the organizers did not have the pesky pastor to contend with. But they did something else. On this fourth attempt, the organizers gathered a number of pastors from Detroit together and offered them stock in the casinos in exchange for their support from the pulpits. They were told to sell this idea to the people as something that will be good for the economy and will save our city. The pastors did, and on the fourth try, the initiative passed.Today you can visit the casinos. Go to the slot machines and watch the glazed-over faces of old people whose reverse mortgages freed up some money so they could buy tokens for the slot machines. Hour after hour, they pull the one-armed bandit, awaiting the glory the billboards promise. Fear sets in. They think, “If I get up from the machine, the next person will come and win.” So they sit, hour after hour, until their clothes are soiled and their tokens are gone. Next month, after the social security check arrives, some of them will be on the first bus back to try again.
And in case you haven’t heard, Detroit is bankrupt.
The promises of the prosperity gospel are like the billboards of Detroit’s casinos. It looks so good. It seems so appealing. One of its most influential voices is Joel Osteen, the pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas who recently released a new book called Break Out! If Disneyworld was a church, Joel Osteen would be the pastor. Break Out! is basically a combination of “When You Wish upon a Star” and “A Whole New World.”
The problem is, Joel is a pastor, and his sermons and books are presented as truth, not fairy tales, and thousands of people really believe what he says. Some may be in our churches.
THE MAIN MESSAGE
Break Out! is a collection of twenty-five chapters (presumably sermons) organized into five sections. I could not discern much difference between the first four sections: (1) Believe Bigger; (2) Consider God, Not Circumstances; (3) Pray God-sized Prayers; 4) Keep the Right Perspective. The chapters basically follow the formula of stating the principle, supporting it with a story, inserting a vague reference to the Bible, and closing with a few more stories and exhortations.
Joel’s message is clear: God helps those who help themselves. “Right now, something is looking for you. Something already has your name on it. As long as you’re doing your best to honor God and you have a heart to help others, an explosive blessing will find its way into your hands” (Ch. 4).[1] “If you stay on the high road and just keep being your best, you will see the hand of God at work in amazing ways” (Ch. 9). “But God is saying to you...If you only believe, I will turn the situation around. If you only believe, breakthroughs are headed your way. When you believe, the surpassing greatness of God’s power is released” (Ch. 13) “When God sees you do your part, He will do His part” (Ch. 16).
Faith is the dream in your heart. “God did not create you to be average….He created you to do something amazing. He’s put the seeds of greatness on the inside” (Ch. 25). But Osteen consistently portrays greatness as success in business, wealth, health, and overcoming addictions. Rarely, if ever, is “looking like Jesus” even mentioned.
If you listen carefully, Osteen is telling you that you can be your own Savior. Like the little engine that could, you can do it. You can do it. But the message of the Bible is that you cannot do it. That is why Christ came to this earth. He did what we could not do, dying on the cross to pay for your sins and rising from the grave to give you life if you repent and believe in him. If you keep telling people that they can do something they really can’t, you are not helping people. You are putting them in bondage.
In the fifth section, “Don’t Settle for Good Enough” there are some moments where Joel says some things that could have some value. The problem is that they not only sit in a context of other errors but they blatantly contradict what he says earlier in the book.
THE MAIN PROBLEMS
The chief problem of this book is that Osteen centers life on achieving the American Dream—success, prosperity and health. But the Bible never presents the Christian life like this. Instead, our lives are centered upon Christ and the gospel. This chief problem is reflected in these other serious problems.
1. Break Out! constantly distorts the Bible at a basic, factual level.
First, Break Out! constantly distorts the Bible at a basic, factual level. In chapter 7, Osteen recounts the story of Moses leading the children of Israel out of Egypt, through the desert, in order to get to the Promised Land. He claims that when Moses became discouraged along the way, God asked him what he was holding in his hand. He goes on to tell the story of how Moses threw down his rod, which God turned into a snake. The problem is, this did not happen when Moses was leading the children of Israel out of Egypt, but in Exodus 4 when Moses was at the burning bush.
Also in chapter 7, Osteen retells the story of the lepers who went in search of food from the Syrians in 2 Kings 7. He claims that the Bible says (and he puts this in quotes), “As they marched toward the enemy, God multiplied the sound of their footsteps and caused them to sound like a vast army.” The text simply does not say this. This twisting of the facts fits Joel’s point of believing in yourself and seeing God do amazing things. But how can you trust Osteen to interpret the text correctly if he cannot get the simple facts of the story right?
There’s plenty more of this, but one of the most egregious examples of twisting Scripture is in chapter 10. Osteen claims that when Job was in the midst of his adversity he said, “God, I know You have granted me favor.” He presents this as a bold declaration of faith in the favor of God upon his life in the midst of a trial. But in Job 10, Job is bitterly complaining to God. Yes, Job does say in verse 12 that, “You have granted me life and steadfast love, and your care has preserved my spirit.” But Job was talking about what God had previously done for him, only to now crush him and destroy him. Job was not declaring a word of faith, he was screaming out at the seeming injustice of God for giving him life and blessing, only to take it all away. In verses 18-19 Job says, “Why did you bring me out from the womb? Would that I had died before any eye had seen me and were as though I had not been, carried from the womb to the grave.” At that moment, Job was not exactly feeling the X-factor.
For the rest, see:
http://www.9marks.org/books/book-review-break-out-joel-osteen
We would add:
Sunday, December 22, 2013
More Sermon Ideas for Joel Osteen
A few more sermon tips and questions for Joel Osteen. Or, some questions for an ordination exam. (Did he ever undergo one?) BTW, I am overwhelmed by the utter lack of the Bible in Joel O-Zero-Steen.
1. Joel, a few ideas from Genesis 7ff., how many people died in the Flood?
2. Gen. 8.21, what does it mean that “the imagination of man’s heart is evil from the youth up?” Will you preach this?
3. Gen. 9.22, what’s the backstory on Noah’s nakedness and the curse on the offending son? Your thoughts, Joel.
4. Gen. 11, why was God so upset about Babel? After all, they were pursuing their horizons and pursuing their best life now, for crying out loud.
5. Gen. 15, what’s the covenant, covenant ceremony, faith, and the Gospel connections? What are you reading? Please submit your bibliography online for national review.
6. Judges 13, who is the Angel of the LORD? Please elaborate on the doctrine of the Trinity including the Creedal developments on Christ.
7. Judges 14, was Samson out of line to be marrying a Philistine girl? What’s your view of marriage? Marrying those in the LORD? Have you ever preached on that? Also, consider Ezra and Nehemiah's views. Also, explain Marcionism.
8. 2 Kings 10.17: what’s the story with Jehu polishing off Ahab’s entire dynastic family “according to the Word of the LORD which He spake to Elijah?” Explain your view of Divine Judgments in this life and for the next. Thank you.
9. 2 Kings 10: killing Baal worshippers? Explain the relationship between the OT theocracy, NT kingdom of God, NT ethics, state and church relations and the Second Coming. Submit your academic credentials in this area of OT and NT.
10. 2 Kings 10.32: what does it mean when it says, “In those days the LORD began to cut off parts of Israel…?” Does God cut off parts of the church? Joel, hint, hint, think Romans 11 and Revelation 2-3 for prompts to the answer. Offer some examples in church history while you’re at it. Also, consider John 15.
11. While we’re at it, please give an overview of the northern kings of Israel from BC c. 930- c.722. In your answer, please pay attention to Azariah, Zechariah, Shallum, Menahem, Pekiah and the context. Explain your theological and homiletical insights and tips.
12. 2 Kings 22: provide an overview to the Assyrian invasion in BC 722, that is, their best life before the exile, during the exile, and after in exile.
13. On a larger note, please explain from the Wisdom literature the meaning and relevance of the “fear of the LORD.” If you fail this question, please submit a 50-page paper as a remedial exercise. Thank you.
14. Switching to Jeremiah, please explain and preach on: “Look, the false pen of the scribe certainly works falsehood… (Jer. 8.. What and who could he have been identifying? How would you apply that to 2014?
15. Please comment on Jer. 8.10 and 12: “Everyone is given to covetousness” and “nor do they know how to blush…” How does this inform your sermons and books? Will you preach this on TBN? What else is the prosperity gospel but covetousness?
16. What, pray tell, was Jeremiah saying with 9.14: “they walk according to the dictates of their hearts…” Explain Law and Gospel in the OT.
17. What, pray tell, does Jeremiah mean with this in 10.14: “Everyone is dull-hearted…” and “without knowledge.” Joel, if I heard you once, I’ve heard you a dozen times say on national television, “Well, I don’t know too much about that…” It's thematic with you. What do you mean? Please submit your credentials and working bibliography for systematic theology. Would you accept that from your physician, lawyer or someone on your camera crews?
18. Joel, explain this text, 10.21: “For the shepherds have become dull-hearted…” Who is he talking about? Why did he say this? What are any current applications that might be preached?
19. Joel, comment on God’s viewpoint in 11.11ff: “Behold, I will bring calamity on them…though they cry to Me I will not listen” and 11.14: “Do not pray for this people…I will not hear them.”
20. What’s the linen sash in Jer. 13? Does it refer to destroyed pride? (Hint: 13.9, “I will ruin the pride of Judah.”) Does God do that? How does this relate to your new book, Break Out. (Sounds like a disease.) Has there been a breakout of humility and fear of the LORD? Of Biblical literacy? Theological literacy?
21. Explain Jer. 14.10: “Thus they have loved to wander…” Is this relevant anymore?
22. Or, 14.12: “Behold I will consume them by sword, by famine, and pestilence…” Explain the Gospel in Jeremiah.
23. Or, 14.14: “The prophets prophesy lies…in the deceit of their hearts…” Who is he talking about? Is this relevant? Does this still occur?
24. Does God over-react with Jer. 15.1: “I will cast them out of My sight…I will hand them over to trouble…” Or, 16.4: “They shall die gruesome deaths…” Does God do this? Explain the relation of Jeremiah to Jesus (hint, hint, for starters, Mt. 23-25, Rev. 2-3, or 2 Peter and Jude thanks). Also, again, explain the covenant of grace and the Gospel here.
25. Explain corrupt leaders and their sons, e.g. Jer. 16.4: “Surely our fathers have inherited lies…”
26. Explain original sin and Jer. 17.9: “The heart is deceitful above all things…” Explain how that unfolds in your sermons. Explain the sacraments too, baptism and the Lord’s Supper and justification by faith alone.
27. What was Jeremiah’s best life in Jeremiah 18? “Come, let us devise plans against Jeremiah…let us not give heed to his words…” Also, felonious assault by Pashtur, 20.2: “The Pashtur struck Jeremiah…” Or, Jeremiah’s complaint: “I am in derision daily…” (20.7) Explain the Gospel and Good Tidings to Jeremiah.
28. Switching gears to Hosea: explain the social, religious, economic and political decline during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah of the south and, of the north, the six kings. In particular, address the issue of religious syncretism, e.g. Baalism, and relevant applications for today? Greed, sexual corruptions, divorce, and more. What Gospel did Hosea believe? Would God really say, “Lo-ammi, for you are not My people..." (1.8). Does God prune the church from time to time to get rid of dead branches? John 15, or are these idle claims? What is the role of the demonic in false doctrines?
29. Switching to Matthew, a few questions. What does Mt. 10.17 mean: “But, beware of men…for they will scourge you in the synagogues…” Explain your answer using the Acts of the Apostles, imprisonment, shipwrecks, beatings, and more. How did this figure in your recent book? Or, previous books? Have you ever read Acts? What is that best life now? Explain your current sufferings.
30. Mt. 10.28, what pray tell is this: “Fear God who is able to destroy both body and soul in hell…” Should we fear God or is this a bit backward? Body and soul in hell? What’s that? What is hell? Have you ever preached on this? If not, why not?
31. What did Jesus mean, “I did not come to bring peace, but a sword…” (Mt. 10.34)?
32. Mt. 11.20-24: What does Jesus mean by judging Chorazin and Bethesaida? Or, informing them that in the day of judgment it will be more tolerable for Sodom than for them? What Day of Judgment?
33. Mt. 11.27: Explain election, “No one knows the Father unless the Son reveals Him…” Have your taught election and predestination at Lakeside?
34. Did Jesus really say the following? “Brood of vipers…how can you, being evil, speak good things…”? (Mt. 12.34). Explain any current applications to our time.
35. Mt. 13: How does the Devil function in the Parable of the Sower of the Seed? Have you ever considered that the absence of the Word of God in your work, books, and sermons is an act of theft? Or, horrors, worse?!?! Does this Parable not terrify you? Provide a list of your expository sermons on the Bible, thank you.
36. Provide a summary of Jesus’ comments at Mt. 13.14:
"14 Indeed, in their case the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled that says:
“You will indeed hear but never understand,
and you will indeed see but never perceive.”
15 For this people's heart has grown dull,
and with their ears they can barely hear,
and their eyes they have closed,
lest they should see with their eyes
and hear with their ears
and understand with their heart
and turn, and I would heal them.’”
37. What’s the “weeping and gnashing of teeth” in Mt. 13.50? Rhetorical flourish?
38. Why was John the Baptist beheaded in Mt. 14? Did he compromise his best life now?
39. What’s the leaven of the Pharisees and Scribes in Mt. 16.1-12? When Jesus said “Beware,” was this a suggestion? If a command, what does that mean? Whom should we avoid today?
40. Who gave Peter faith in Mt. 16.13ff? Who gives anyone faith and repentance? Explain.
41. Why is Jesus so negative with “O faithless and perverse generation…?” (Mt. 17.17)? Should we edit this out of the text?
42. Explain church discipline and excommunication in Mt. 18.15-20. After that, explain, without compromising pastoral communications, situations—in general—where this has occurred at Lakeside.
43. What is Jesus’ view of marriage and divorce, Mt. 19? What is your church’s position?
44. Galatians 6.7: “What a man sows he reaps…” Joel, you often claim you don’t know very much. Are you reaping what you’ve sown? And, are you sowing the same seed of your own ignorance? Are you attracting people who are like you? Ignorant? Or, does that matter? Do we really need 66 canonical books after all?
45. Eph.1.3-14: explain election, redemption, vicarious and penal satisfaction, forgiveness, predestination and the sealing of the Holy Spirit.
46. Eph. 2.1: explain what “dead in your sins and trespasses” means to Paul and for your own preaching.
47. Eph. 4.3: “the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace…” What are you a sectarian? What connection does Lakeside have with historic, Creedal and Confessional Christianity? Do you have one?
48. Eph. 4.14: “every wind of doctrine by the trickery of men in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting…” What is this? Where does this occur? Give names, dates and circumstances during Paul’s life, an overview of church history, and some insights to our times. Or, is Paul just a tad-bit agitated and over-worked?
49. Eph. 4.18-19, explain these terms: “understanding darkened…to work uncleanness with greediness…” Is there any greediness at TBN? Is it unclean? If so, what are the plans for a clean-up?
50. Joel, what are we to do with Rev. 9.20-21? Explain the Second Coming. Also, does your ministry end up worshipping gold, silver, bronze, wood and other things? Hare you addressed sexual immorality from the pulpit?
“20 The rest of mankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent of the works of their hands nor give up worshiping demons and idols of gold and silver and bronze and stone and wood, which cannot see or hear or walk, 21 nor did they repent of their murders or their sorceries or their sexual immorality or their thefts.”
51. What are the “woes” here for that best life now? Rev. 12.12?
"12 Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!”
Saturday, December 21, 2013
More Sermon Suggestions for Joel O-Zero-Steen
1. Daniel 4: speaking words of favor and blessing to a pagan and idolatrous king, Nebuchadnezzar. Keeping things lite and upbeat.
2. Daniel 5: Interpreting "Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin" in positive ways without judgmental words.
3. Daniel 9: Skipping this chapter is a word of health and prosperity. There's no such thing as confession of sin for kings, princes, and the people. Just speak that word of favor.
4. Mt. 2.1ff: Avoiding depraved kings, e.g. Herod
5. Mt. 2.13-15: Positive vistas as exiles in Egypt
6. Mt. 2.16ff: Preaching about a historical inaccuracy that God will never allow: the slaughter of children. Best to just avoid this little section and be positive.
7. Mt. 3.1-12: Corrections and homilietical tips to John the Baptist: avoiding those negative words "brood of vipers," "laying the axe to the tree" and other mistakes.
8. Mt. 4.16: Corrective words to Jesus who should never have claimed the passage...coming to "the people who sat in darkness."
9. Mt. 5.4: Jesus' mistaken notion of "blessed are those who mourn..."
10. Mt. 5.10: Jesus' negativity corrected: "blessed are you when they persecute you..."
11. Mt. 5.21: Overcoming adultery, a sermon you will never hear at Lakeside Church, Houston.
12. Mt. 5.27: Overcoming murder, another sermon you will never hear at Lakeside
13. Mt. 6.5ff: Why we ditched the Lord's Prayer (and creedal, liturgical and confessional statements too). We have something far better: words of power and creative faith.
14. Mt. 6.10: What Jesus really meant with "Thy kingdom come..." Just order it up. No need for prayer.
15. Mt. 6.13: What Jesus really should have taught, "Lead us not into temptation..." This is an irrelevant prayer since we run things with our positive words.
16. Mt. 6.19: Corrections for Jesus on "Lay not up treasures on earth..." He missed the boat here and how you can overcome Jesus' words for your life now.
17. Mt. 7: Jesus' "Ask, seek and knock" = think, claim and command God
18. Overall reflections on Matthew: Toss the book and buy mine, Zero-Osteen, for that better life now.
19. Overall teachings on Jesus's Teaching: "I don't know too much about that. I'm not called to that."
20. Mt. 7.18ff: "The Costs of Discipleship and Taking up Your Cross" = Once you see the values, benefits, wealth and prosperity, you'll put that Cross in the rear-view mirror and move forward in high-speed. Reap those blessings. There are no costs.
21. Mt. 9.13: Words that Jesus should never has said. "I came to call sinners to repentance..." Words you will never hear at Lakeside Church, Houston.
22. 2 Cor. 12.7-10: Paul's Massive Screw-up with that Thorn in the Side. His failure to speak that word of faith.
23. 2 Cor. 13.2: Paul's failure of faith and mistake when he said, "...if I come, I will not spare." These are not words of faith.
24. 2 Cor. 13.5: Aren't ya' glad you tune in to TBN and Zero-Steen? You'd never hear these mistaken words, "Examine yourselves to see if you are in the faith..." That's negative thinking. Here's a positive word: Avoid Paul's letters.
25. Overall thoughts on Galatians: "I have no overall thoughts because I've only read a few verses from it years back."
26. Galatians 1.6-10: Words you will never hear at Lakeside, e.g. "perverted gospel," "the false gospel" and "accursed." Far too judgmental and negative. Paul would have profited from my book, "Your Best Life Now."
27. Gal. 2.16: Justification by faith alone. Never heard of it. Who needs to talk about sin, guilt, forgiveness and the final judgment? Skip Galatians.
28. Gal. 3.10-13: More negativity from Paul about cursedness. Unhelpful. Dismiss him.
29. Gal. 4.: Adoption? From what, the enemy of the kingdom into the kingdom of His dear Son (Col.1.13). Words you'll never hear at Lakeside.
30. Gal. 5: More Stupid Things from Paul You'll Never Hear from Me on TBN or at Lakeside, no Sirree. Look at these negative thoughts: "5.19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy,[d] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." I'm not called to read and preach about these things.
31. Rev. 5: The Lamb Takes the Scroll. We won't preach on that either because I'd have to study Christology, no Sirree.
32. Rev. 6 and the Seals: Hah, more negative thinking, this time from John. Seals about the conqueror, conflict, scarcity in the earth, death, martyrs and cosmic disturbances? Sorry, we are ZERO-folks, mindless.
33. Rev. 7.9ff.: The Multitude from the Tribulation. We've cut Revelation from our Bibles.
34. Rev 8: The Trumpets. More nonsense and negativity from John. All that stuff about striking vegetation, seas, waters and heavens...bye bye John.
35. Rev. 9.1ff. Views from the bottomless pit and the locusts.
Old Joel seems to skip some things.
Sermon Suggestions for Joel O-Zero-Osteen
Here's a beginning list:
1. The Flood, Gen. 6-9. Noah, overcoming those negative thoughts.
2. 2 Peter, get over those thoughts of bitterness...
3. Jude, speaking those positive words
4. 2 Kings 6--the blinding of the Syrians by Elisha
5. Mt. 23, Jesus overcoming his negative words
6. Mt. 24, Jesus needing to break the pattern of hostile words
7. Mt. 25: Jesus and the Second Coming
8. Rev. 21-22: Reconstituting the universe without liars, thieves, fornicators and more.
9. Revelation: the bowls, seals and trumpet judgments
10. Amos 7: Ejection from a Royal Court for speaking those negative words
11. Rev. 6.9ff: The prayers of the slain martyrs
12. Job: how to avoid Satanic ambushes. Speak that positive word.
13. 2 Cor. 11: living with shipwrecks, beatings, and imprisonments
14. 2 Cor 12: Paul needing to read and watch Ken Copeloon's "Voice of Victory." Why Paul wasn't healed...he spoke no word of faith.
15. Galatians 2: Speaking the corrective word to false teaching, e.g. Peter
16. Job 21: Deleting the discourse on the wicked. Why you shouldn't read Job 21.
17. Exodus and the Red Sea: Views from the overflowing seas on the Egyptians.
18. Genesis 37-50: Hanging pictures in the prison cell
19. Acts 27: Views from the sinking ship and the failure to turn back the Cyclone byt a Word of faith. Paul's failures.
20. Isaiah 1.10-20: Marcion's view on Israel's national sores from the crown of the head to the toes of the feet. Speaking those corrective words to Isaiah so Isaiah could have his best life now.
21. 2 Chron. 35: the Babylonian Invasion
22. Jer. 2-6: Images of Judgment on Israel and why this no longer matters. You can speak that new word and donate some seed money.
23. Jer. 22: Judgments against Kings. "I don't know too much about those things."
24. Jer. 23: Judgment about False Shepherds. "Again, I don't know too much about these things."
25. Jer. 25: 70 Years of Captivity
26. Jer. 46-51: Judgments against the nations. "Again, I'm not called to preach these things and I don't read too much."
27. Jer. 1.10: "Destroying and tearing down" and "building and planting." Why I don't read the Bible and why you shouldn't either. It will make you negative.
28. Acts 28: Overcoming the jail-house experience of 2 years. Making that breakthough by the word of faith.
29. Judges: the 12 judges.
30. 1 Samuel: Saul's sins
31. Jer. 5.12: "They have lied about the LORD..." "The prophets have become wind..."
32. Jer. 6: Judgment from the north
33. Jer. 6.19: "They have not heeded my words..."
34. Jer. 6.28: "...stubborn rebels and slanderers..."
35. Jer. 7.8: "But you trusted in lying words..."
36. Jer. 7.16: "Do not pray for these people..."
37. Jer. 8.4ff: Peril of false teachers
Are there more? Indeed there are. How about a 30-devotional by Joel O-Zero-Steen covering these passages? Or, a satirical volume about Joel O-Zero-Steen on these and related passages?
