"Benny Da' Big Thinker"

Interview with “Benny Da' Big Thinker”

Benny:  "Hi, my name is Benny the Big Thinker."

RA:  “Hello Benny, tell us, where do you attend church?”

Benny:  “I attend the local Baptacostalist church.  Half Pentecostal and half Baptist.  They got real cool music, Dude.  I can emote, stomp my feet, raise my hands, put my head back, and breathe without thinking.  45 minutes of da’ rock, roll, swing and swoon. When I get to that high, `I’m Da’ Big Thinka’ fellow Dudes and Dudettes.  We all get worked up to mindlessness...like that big word, Dude? I can leave my brains at the door when I enter, never use my mind during the service,  and never pick my brains up when I leave.  It’s real cool, man.  It's so user-friendly that I'm tellin' my fellow Dudes about it."

RA:  “Well, OK, we have your general church views.  What books are you reading?

Benny:  “Read books?  Are you for real? Huh…well, I don't read no books, no suh!  My Momma and Daddy didn’t need em’ and I don’t need none neither."

RA:  “Well, after church on Sundays, what do you do?”

Benny:  “Dude, I play my action-video games all day long.  Man, it’s far out.  I’m 30 years old and live with Mama and Papa.”

RA:   “You live with Mama and Papa, have the whole week off, and you don’t read any books?

Benny:  “Heck no, man, stop downin’ me with this book-stuff.  Are you for real?”

RA:  “”Benny, are you aware that 50% of America hasn’t read a single book in the last year?

Benny:  “See, Dude, ain’t that cool?  I belong to the top 50% in America.  I'm leadin' a movement!  What happened to the other 50%?  Those losers?”

RA:  “To answer your question, 25% read `one to four' books last year and the remaining 25% read `more than four books.'"

Benny: “Well,  I don’t belong to those two groups…the 25 percenters!  I belong to the top 50% that ain’t read no books last year." 

RA:  “Let’s get this right.  You are proud of "not" reading a single book last year?”

Benny:  “That’s why they call me `Benny Da’ Big Thinker!’  I got a big brain and got me some good ideas, like not reading. I’m Da’ Man, Dudes and Dudettes.”

RA:   “Well, OK Benny, nice chatting.  We took a picture and will leave it for you.”

Benny:  “Cool, man, haha!  That’s me alright, playing a video game.  But hey, man, is my head really that small?  I'll tell ya though, alot goes on in the three inches between my ears.  C’ya, Reformation Anglican." 

RA:  "We hereby conclude this interview, Benny, for your sake and for our readers.  We recommend this audit to our august Book of Common Prayer.  Here's the change:  `Pastor: Luni omnes sunt.  Congregational response: Et illiterati.'"