Why should this matter to you, and why does it matter to me? It should matter to you because Mr. Mahaney is a well known author and conference speaker who is lauded as a leader among Reformed evangelicals like John Piper, Al Mohler, Mark Dever, Mark Driscoll and others. His young protégé Josh Harris is also a popular author and speaker. As such, Mr. Mahaney has a lot of influence, and how he behaves reflects on the church at large. It matters to me because for 8 years, I was a faithful member of SGM. Most of my family and I left the local SGM church last year, but we still have an adult daughter and many dear friends who are members there.
I would like to share with you some of the story, starting with how it relates to me. A little over three years ago, while corresponding with a Mormon friend about our respective faiths, I started researching not only the Latter Day Saints church, but the dynamics and doctrines of other contemporary religious movements. I focused particularly on ones with authoritarian leadership styles and/or unusual beginnings. (Later this study would also expand to the patriarchal segment of the Christian home schooling movement, where there is much overlap, but I’ll save that information for other posts.) By what I would call divine coincidence, I stumbled on a pair of blogs written by ex-members of SGM, www.sgmsurvivors.com and www.sgmrefuge.com. In the posts and comments, they shared raw tales of abuse of authority, church dysfunction, and pastoral mishandling of serious situations such as child molestation, domestic abuse, substance abuse, mental illness and suicide. Other recurrent themes are the intense sin-focus, the inward and outward legalism, the lack of grace, and the quenching of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit – all of which I was already noticing more and more as the months and years rolled by. Another observation was that SGM had its earliest roots in the shepherding movement, which advocated invasive scrutiny of members’ lives by pastors and home group (aka care group) leaders, while at the same time not holding these leaders themselves accountable to their own congregations. I believe that SGM never completely outgrew that paradigm, though it has softened somewhat over the years.
Typically, in this kind of environment, there is a pervading atmosphere of fear among both pastors and members.
- fear of failure if someone in leadership isn't telling you what to do
- fear of taking initiative on new projects because that will be seen as pridefully “putting yourself forward”
- fear of being seen as unsubmissive (especially the wives and young adults)
- fear of being dismissed as proud and bitter if you try to bring up something bothering you
- fear of being publicly shamed, asked to leave the church, or shunned by the members
- fear that you will lose your children to “the world” if you choose not to do it their way, which in SGM circles usually means home schooling and courtship
- fear of other evangelical Christians not in or approved by your group (as evidenced by which quotes are mentioned from the pulpit and which books are sold in the church bookstore)
- fear of trained mental health professionals, Christian or secular
- fear of the culture around us
And somehow that brings us to this week’s announcement from Mr. Mahaney. Many people who haven’t read any of the blogs (and the hundreds of pages of assorted uploaded documentation) have started congratulating him for being so very humble and honorable to come forward. I seriously don’t believe that such praise is warranted in this sobering time. And unfortunately, I think his announcement is way too little, way too late. He speaks as if he intends to take a short sabbatical season away from his duties so that his offenses against a group of select disaffected former pastors can be evaluated and corrected by a team of men. Then he wants to return and lead SGM into a future of fruitful ministry. Hello?!? If even a fraction of what has been reported is true, I personally think his behavior has disqualified him from ever returning to a prominent position in ministry. And I don’t think that his peers are qualified to restore him to it, since by many accounts they too have been complicit in this sorry situation for a long time. Extending grace is one thing, but restoring real trust is quite another. Their recent admission of problems is also seen by many as preemptive posturing of humility in the face of increasing public exposure and impending humiliation, rather than as evidence of genuine repentance and responsibility. I think SGM’s credibility has pretty well been shot.
People need to hear the truth in plain words, even if it is excruciatingly painful! Do over 50,000 hits in less than 12 hours on the www.sgmsurvivors.com web site mean anything? Charges of “gossip and slander” against those who speak out aren’t going to cut it anymore. The anguished appeals for reform have already been exhausted over and over again. The leaders of SGM – not just CJ Mahaney -- have chosen to be above any real accountability for too long. Now they have to pay the piper and face the music.
Whatever their initial motives were, I hope and pray that Mr. Mahaney and his colleagues will indeed use this opportunity for true repentance, evidenced by actual restitution and reconciliation with members and ex-members at all levels, not just pastors. He has often preached about the local church being “the happiest place on earth” – but many who came will never darken the door of a church again because SGM broke their sacred trust. Others have fortunately found refuge in grace-filled churches that respect individual people in the pews, not just the leaders.
And yes, I too share the blame in my own small ways. For years I quieted my own conscience, my own God-given sense of right and wrong. For years I was so proud (let’s make that arrogant!) that I belonged to a church that featured what I thought were right doctrine and right living. Where else could I find that unique blend of Reformed / Baptist / Charismatic teaching, amazing worship music, and devout fellow members who took their lifestyle choices like home schooling and courtship seriously? I advertised SGM conferences, books, and CD’s in my e-magazine and on my blogs. I always alerted my friends whenever CJ Mahaney would be in town, so they could come hear him preach. For years, I told friends what a wonderful place our church was to raise children, not fully aware of how many of the young people were struggling and straying because of their experiences there. We happily paid our tithes and gave extra offerings. We were deeply involved in all sorts of activities and ministries at church. It seemed like we were always there, taking somebody to something at “the building” almost every day of the week. I was so committed that I thought I would be a member of that church until I died. And lo and behold, I did start dying, inside, little by little. And I let it happen with only a squeak or two here and there, until God mercifully poked me hard and woke me up.
I have a few seemingly random mental images to share before I close this note. There are others in my mind, but these should suffice.
The Berlin Wall: Ronald Reagan calling on Gorbachev to tear it down and the freedom-loving people of Germany dismantling it chunk by chunk. It’s time, folks. Call for truth and freedom. Don’t settle for anything less. Pull down the barriers until the truth is known and the arrogance, fear, and control come tumbling down.
The tale of “The Emperor Who Wore No Clothes”: His royal tailors assured him that his finery was crafted from such a special fabric that only the wise could see it. And all the people, including the emperor himself, “saw” his beautiful clothes because they wanted to be thought wise. Then a truly wise little boy cried out, “But he doesn’t have anything on at all!” And they all realized what fools they had been. Some of you have suspected something amiss for quite some time, but feared being labeled as foolish or non-compliant if you dared to speak up. Call it like it is, dear little flock. Be bold. Speak truth to power. You don’t need to feel naked or vulnerable yourself, because Christ himself clothes you in his very own righteousness, the garments of joy and praise instead of the spirit of heaviness.
“With liberty and justice for all”: the last phrase of the Pledge of Allegiance. Sweet Jesus, under your victory banner, bring that liberty and justice to the least of these my brethren. Bring your healing and grace. Help us to cling to our precious identity in Christ, and never let anyone snatch it from us. Help us to reclaim the transforming dignity that as believers we are (as 1 Peter 2:9 so gloriously declares) “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” Help us to focus on you, the perfect life you lived, the victory you won over death through your resurrection, how you promised the Holy Spirit would indwell us so that we could be more than conquerors “through him who loved us”!
One final word to my friends who are members of Sovereign Grace Ministries, including my own former pastors. I love you dearly, and I miss you. I know many of you may be shocked and even offended by my words, but I write from my heart because of my concern for you. Please consider my words and pray about how this affects you. My brothers and sisters, cry out to Jesus, the Good Shepherd, who truly gave his own life for you, who bids the weary to come and find rest in his gentle yoke, who leads us on the true path.
With love,
Virginia Knowles
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P.S. Writing this reminded me of a short story that I wrote for my Mormon friend. You might enjoy it as well. You can find it here: Parable of Grace.
P.P.S. More thoughts on July 12....
It's been quite interesting watching the unusually high traffic on this blog (thousands of page loads since Saturday) and reading comments (most supportive and positive, some quite upset and questioning my motives) here and in my inbox. I know that my words have hit a nerve on a topic that so many are passionate about, in one direction or the other. A few people have asked me questions like, "Why don't you just move on?" or "Why don't you just go settle your grievances with your former church?" Please understand that while I did have some difficult experiences there, I don't write to redress or avenge them. That is totally NOT the point. My problems were actually quite minor compared to most, and they were (as necessary) resolved with those involved. None of those people were trying to cause me harm and I bear no animosity toward them. I wish them the very best.
What is at stake are life-giving principles of liberty, justice, grace, and truth. I care about others, and want them to be able to see and avoid the pitfalls that have caused so many such distress, not only with the Sovereign Grace movement but within other movements. If you don't know what I mean yet, please take the time to read at www.sgmrefuge.com and www.sgmsurvivors.com. The stories are both plentiful and painful to read.
Why don't I just move on and forget about SGM? While I certainly don't equate SGM with the barbarity of 1800's slavery, I do think of Harriet Tubman. She was not content with her own freedom if she could not share it with her people, so she went back over and over and over again, at great risk to herself. How dare I compare myself to her? How hard is it to write a blog post in the comfort of my home, as compared to facing the swamp, the whip, and the "Wanted, dead or alive" signs. Not compare, just aspire to her nobility and courage in my own little 21st century techno-mommy ways.
Do I want to bring others down? No, I want to lift others up, to see the downtrodden restored to their dignity. Will CJ Mahaney "go down" in the process? I don't know. I do hope that the man who wrote the book Humility: True Greatness will, through true humility, find that true greatness. That is the greatness really serving (in deeds, not just platitudes) and restoring the thousands of "the least of these" who have been so devastated as a result of his actions over recent decades. I do think Jesus would be most honored and glorified if he did that. Then "the gospel" that SGM has proclaimed truly would be the Good News of Jesus that it was intended to be.
Even if you are upset at what I have said, I hope you can respect that I am trying to be true to what I believe.
P.P.P.S. I would encourage you to listen to the following message by Josh Harris, the senior pastor of SGM's flagship church in Maryland, and a close associate of Mr. Mahaney. His forthright words were very refreshing. He has made a good start, and I hope he works to keep this process moving in the direction of integrity and responsibility. http://www.covlife.org/resources/3931544-The_Fathers_Discipline
~~ Virginia
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