Saturday, December 21, 2013

Sermon Suggestions for Joel O-Zero-Osteen

What passages would you like to see Joel O-Zero-Steen preach?

Here's a beginning list:

 1. The Flood, Gen. 6-9. Noah, overcoming those negative thoughts.
2. 2 Peter, get over those thoughts of bitterness...

3. Jude, speaking those positive words
4. 2 Kings 6--the blinding of the Syrians by Elisha
5. Mt. 23, Jesus overcoming his negative words
6. Mt. 24, Jesus needing to break the pattern of hostile words
7. Mt. 25: Jesus and the Second Coming
8. Rev. 21-22: Reconstituting the universe without liars, thieves, fornicators and more.
9. Revelation: the bowls, seals and trumpet judgments
10. Amos 7: Ejection from a Royal Court for speaking those negative words
11. Rev. 6.9ff: The prayers of the slain martyrs
12. Job: how to avoid Satanic ambushes. Speak that positive word.
13. 2 Cor. 11: living with shipwrecks, beatings, and imprisonments
14. 2 Cor 12: Paul needing to read and watch Ken Copeloon's "Voice of Victory." Why Paul wasn't healed...he spoke no word of faith.
15. Galatians 2: Speaking the corrective word to false teaching, e.g. Peter
16. Job 21: Deleting the discourse on the wicked. Why you shouldn't read Job 21.
17. Exodus and the Red Sea: Views from the overflowing seas on the Egyptians.
18. Genesis 37-50: Hanging pictures in the prison cell
19. Acts 27: Views from the sinking ship and the failure to turn back the Cyclone byt a Word of faith. Paul's failures.
20. Isaiah 1.10-20: Marcion's view on Israel's national sores from the crown of the head to the toes of the feet. Speaking those corrective words to Isaiah so Isaiah could have his best life now.
21. 2 Chron. 35: the Babylonian Invasion
22. Jer. 2-6: Images of Judgment on Israel and why this no longer matters. You can speak that new word and donate some seed money.
23. Jer. 22: Judgments against Kings. "I don't know too much about those things."
24. Jer. 23: Judgment about False Shepherds. "Again, I don't know too much about these things."
25. Jer. 25: 70 Years of Captivity
26. Jer. 46-51: Judgments against the nations. "Again, I'm not called to preach these things and I don't read too much."
27. Jer. 1.10: "Destroying and tearing down" and "building and planting." Why I don't read the Bible and why you shouldn't either. It will make you negative.
28. Acts 28: Overcoming the jail-house experience of 2 years. Making that breakthough by the word of faith.
29. Judges: the 12 judges.
30. 1 Samuel: Saul's sins
31. Jer. 5.12: "They have lied about the LORD..." "The prophets have become wind..."
32. Jer. 6: Judgment from the north
33. Jer. 6.19: "They have not heeded my words..."
34. Jer. 6.28: "...stubborn rebels and slanderers..."
35. Jer. 7.8: "But you trusted in lying words..."
36. Jer. 7.16: "Do not pray for these people..."
37. Jer. 8.4ff: Peril of false teachers

Are there more? Indeed there are. How about a 30-devotional by Joel O-Zero-Steen covering these passages? Or, a satirical volume about Joel O-Zero-Steen on these and related passages?

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