You might be a Charismaniac if…

You might be a Charismaniac if… « Charismania

You might be a Charismaniac if…

1.You think it’s normal that your pastor owns the church.

2.Most of the sermons you hear are about money – getting more of it.

3.Most sermons are based on Old Testament texts, or single verses plucked out of the New Testament, particularly III John 1:2.

4.You think it’s normal to give a pastor a standing ovation.

5.You think it’s normal for a pastor to take up birthday offerings for himself or his wife.

6.You think the “Gospel” is mostly about the good things God will do for you on this earth, right now.

7.You keep hearing that there is a huge “end-times” revival right around the corner.

8.You’ve been taught that, in conjunction with this “end-times” revival, Christians are going to get richer and richer.

9.You believe that the best way to receive a miracle is to “sow a seed,” which means give a large offering you can’t afford.

10.You believe certain people – your pastor, and other leaders with large ministries – are specially “anointed” and hear directly from God.

11.You don’t bat an eye when you hear your pastor say, “God told me…”

12.Your pastor has bodyguards.

13.Your pastor drives a car worth more than most people’s houses.

14.The only people with any authority on your church’s staff are either the pastor, or someone who shares his last name.

15.Your pastor didn’t go to seminary.

16.But he calls himself “Doctor.”

17.Your pastor’s wife is also a pastor and goes by the title of “First Lady.”

18.Anyone related to your pastor is also “anointed.” And this “anointing” is transferrable by marriage, so that your pastor’s kids’ spouses begin sporting the title of “Pastor.”

19.There is special reserved seating for people particularly close to the pastor.

20.When you see your pastor up close, you get as tongue-tied and as star-struck as if you’d run into your favorite movie star.

21.If you found out your pastor and his wife were coming to visit you, you’d immediately feel an urgent need to remodel your house and buy all new furniture.

22.But that would be a pipe dream, because your pastor never visits anyone except for a select few who have been with his ministry for years. Or new people who have given huge donations.

23.Your pastor calls himself “Apostle.”

24.Your pastor calls himself “Prophet.”

25.Your pastor preaches that prophecy is for today…but only HE is allowed to prophesy.

26.You’ve been going to your church for more than a year, but you still don’t really know anyone there very well.

27.You do, however, feel like you know your pastor pretty well.

28.There is fierce competition for seats in the first few rows of the auditorium. You get to church a half hour early to secure one of those seats.

29.New people are treated with suspicion. “New people” is anyone who has been at your church less time than you have.

30.Your church has very few small-group Bible studies or other supplementary classes. Very few people are allowed to teach at your church, except those who either A) have the same last name as your pastor; or B) are really, really bad at teaching. If someone happens to slip into group “B” but turns out to be good at teaching, he or she will probably never teach again.

31.Although you’d never be able to guess from your church’s official statement of faith, the practical reality is that everybody puts more stock in “The Anointing” (particularly as it exists within your pastor) than they do in the message of salvation. Salvation is your ticket to heaven, but “The Anointing” is where all the “good stuff” comes from.

32.Your church talks a LOT about physical healing. They even hold “Healing Services” and have healing lines. But nobody ever jumps out of a wheelchair. Rather, a few people get healed from stuff like back pain and migraines.

33.Although to hear everyone talk, you’d think that crowds were re-growing amputated limbs and snapping out of Down Syndrome.

34.There is a lot more prestige associated with volunteer positions like washing the pastor’s car or opening the door for him than there is with working in the children’s ministry.

35.Your pastor talks a lot about how he’s your spiritual father, your covering, and your head.

36.You find yourself aspiring to dress and live like the pastor and his family, although you don’t have the money to do so.

37.You are encouraged NOT to think. Analytical thought is scorned. “The Anointing” trumps all need for theology, education, or anything else that would involve the logical part of your brain.

38.Your pastor’s sermons begin with, “God told me…” and involve your pastor then going on to explain how what God told him is supported by various Bible verses. These verses, in their original context (which is never discussed), have NOTHING to do with what your pastor is saying, but they do contain a key word from the message that “God gave” your pastor.

39.Your pastor is in complete control of everything and answers to no one. If there IS an elder or deacon board, the board meets only to fulfill IRS requirements and consists of men hand-picked by the pastor who will agree with whatever the pastor tells them.

40.Your pastor dreams of being famous and expends much effort (and cash) to buddy up to already-famous ministries…regardless of whether or not they agree on key doctrines like the trinity.

41.Your church’s offering envelopes have a place for giving by credit card. You are also taught that the best way to become financially stable is to “give your way out of debt.”

42.You begin to notice that the list of “regular attenders” seems to change all the time. People will attend every service faithfully for months or even years and then suddenly disappear forever. Your pastor spends a lot of time talking about how these folks are in rebellion, and how you will keep yourself from receiving “your blessing” if you listen to them.

43.You are taught all the time that you are “blessed,” which generally means that you will live in financial “overflow” and have “favor” over all areas of your life. Sometimes this “favor” seems to mean that you expect people to bend the rules for you…as evidenced by prayer requests like, “Pray for my nephew as he faces drug charges, pray that he will find favor with the judge, and if anyone knows anyone in the D.A.’s office, please call us.”
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. We invite you to add yours in comments below