A few more sermon tips and questions for Joel Osteen. Or, some questions for an ordination exam. (Did he ever undergo one?) BTW, I am overwhelmed by the utter lack of the Bible in Joel O-Zero-Steen.
1. Joel, a few ideas from Genesis 7ff., how many people died in the Flood?
2. Gen. 8.21, what does it mean that “the imagination of man’s heart is evil from the youth up?” Will you preach this?
3. Gen. 9.22, what’s the backstory on Noah’s nakedness and the curse on the offending son? Your thoughts, Joel.
4. Gen. 11, why was God so upset about Babel? After all, they were pursuing their horizons and pursuing their best life now, for crying out loud.
5. Gen. 15, what’s the covenant, covenant ceremony, faith, and the Gospel connections? What are you reading? Please submit your bibliography online for national review.
6. Judges 13, who is the Angel of the LORD? Please elaborate on the doctrine of the Trinity including the Creedal developments on Christ.
7. Judges 14, was Samson out of line to be marrying a Philistine girl? What’s your view of marriage? Marrying those in the LORD? Have you ever preached on that? Also, consider Ezra and Nehemiah's views. Also, explain Marcionism.
8. 2 Kings 10.17: what’s the story with Jehu polishing off Ahab’s entire dynastic family “according to the Word of the LORD which He spake to Elijah?” Explain your view of Divine Judgments in this life and for the next. Thank you.
9. 2 Kings 10: killing Baal worshippers? Explain the relationship between the OT theocracy, NT kingdom of God, NT ethics, state and church relations and the Second Coming. Submit your academic credentials in this area of OT and NT.
10. 2 Kings 10.32: what does it mean when it says, “In those days the LORD began to cut off parts of Israel…?” Does God cut off parts of the church? Joel, hint, hint, think Romans 11 and Revelation 2-3 for prompts to the answer. Offer some examples in church history while you’re at it. Also, consider John 15.
11. While we’re at it, please give an overview of the northern kings of Israel from BC c. 930- c.722. In your answer, please pay attention to Azariah, Zechariah, Shallum, Menahem, Pekiah and the context. Explain your theological and homiletical insights and tips.
12. 2 Kings 22: provide an overview to the Assyrian invasion in BC 722, that is, their best life before the exile, during the exile, and after in exile.
13. On a larger note, please explain from the Wisdom literature the meaning and relevance of the “fear of the LORD.” If you fail this question, please submit a 50-page paper as a remedial exercise. Thank you.
14. Switching to Jeremiah, please explain and preach on: “Look, the false pen of the scribe certainly works falsehood… (Jer. 8.. What and who could he have been identifying? How would you apply that to 2014?
15. Please comment on Jer. 8.10 and 12: “Everyone is given to covetousness” and “nor do they know how to blush…” How does this inform your sermons and books? Will you preach this on TBN? What else is the prosperity gospel but covetousness?
16. What, pray tell, was Jeremiah saying with 9.14: “they walk according to the dictates of their hearts…” Explain Law and Gospel in the OT.
17. What, pray tell, does Jeremiah mean with this in 10.14: “Everyone is dull-hearted…” and “without knowledge.” Joel, if I heard you once, I’ve heard you a dozen times say on national television, “Well, I don’t know too much about that…” It's thematic with you. What do you mean? Please submit your credentials and working bibliography for systematic theology. Would you accept that from your physician, lawyer or someone on your camera crews?
18. Joel, explain this text, 10.21: “For the shepherds have become dull-hearted…” Who is he talking about? Why did he say this? What are any current applications that might be preached?
19. Joel, comment on God’s viewpoint in 11.11ff: “Behold, I will bring calamity on them…though they cry to Me I will not listen” and 11.14: “Do not pray for this people…I will not hear them.”
20. What’s the linen sash in Jer. 13? Does it refer to destroyed pride? (Hint: 13.9, “I will ruin the pride of Judah.”) Does God do that? How does this relate to your new book, Break Out. (Sounds like a disease.) Has there been a breakout of humility and fear of the LORD? Of Biblical literacy? Theological literacy?
21. Explain Jer. 14.10: “Thus they have loved to wander…” Is this relevant anymore?
22. Or, 14.12: “Behold I will consume them by sword, by famine, and pestilence…” Explain the Gospel in Jeremiah.
23. Or, 14.14: “The prophets prophesy lies…in the deceit of their hearts…” Who is he talking about? Is this relevant? Does this still occur?
24. Does God over-react with Jer. 15.1: “I will cast them out of My sight…I will hand them over to trouble…” Or, 16.4: “They shall die gruesome deaths…” Does God do this? Explain the relation of Jeremiah to Jesus (hint, hint, for starters, Mt. 23-25, Rev. 2-3, or 2 Peter and Jude thanks). Also, again, explain the covenant of grace and the Gospel here.
25. Explain corrupt leaders and their sons, e.g. Jer. 16.4: “Surely our fathers have inherited lies…”
26. Explain original sin and Jer. 17.9: “The heart is deceitful above all things…” Explain how that unfolds in your sermons. Explain the sacraments too, baptism and the Lord’s Supper and justification by faith alone.
27. What was Jeremiah’s best life in Jeremiah 18? “Come, let us devise plans against Jeremiah…let us not give heed to his words…” Also, felonious assault by Pashtur, 20.2: “The Pashtur struck Jeremiah…” Or, Jeremiah’s complaint: “I am in derision daily…” (20.7) Explain the Gospel and Good Tidings to Jeremiah.
28. Switching gears to Hosea: explain the social, religious, economic and political decline during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah of the south and, of the north, the six kings. In particular, address the issue of religious syncretism, e.g. Baalism, and relevant applications for today? Greed, sexual corruptions, divorce, and more. What Gospel did Hosea believe? Would God really say, “Lo-ammi, for you are not My people..." (1.8). Does God prune the church from time to time to get rid of dead branches? John 15, or are these idle claims? What is the role of the demonic in false doctrines?
29. Switching to Matthew, a few questions. What does Mt. 10.17 mean: “But, beware of men…for they will scourge you in the synagogues…” Explain your answer using the Acts of the Apostles, imprisonment, shipwrecks, beatings, and more. How did this figure in your recent book? Or, previous books? Have you ever read Acts? What is that best life now? Explain your current sufferings.
30. Mt. 10.28, what pray tell is this: “Fear God who is able to destroy both body and soul in hell…” Should we fear God or is this a bit backward? Body and soul in hell? What’s that? What is hell? Have you ever preached on this? If not, why not?
31. What did Jesus mean, “I did not come to bring peace, but a sword…” (Mt. 10.34)?
32. Mt. 11.20-24: What does Jesus mean by judging Chorazin and Bethesaida? Or, informing them that in the day of judgment it will be more tolerable for Sodom than for them? What Day of Judgment?
33. Mt. 11.27: Explain election, “No one knows the Father unless the Son reveals Him…” Have your taught election and predestination at Lakeside?
34. Did Jesus really say the following? “Brood of vipers…how can you, being evil, speak good things…”? (Mt. 12.34). Explain any current applications to our time.
35. Mt. 13: How does the Devil function in the Parable of the Sower of the Seed? Have you ever considered that the absence of the Word of God in your work, books, and sermons is an act of theft? Or, horrors, worse?!?! Does this Parable not terrify you? Provide a list of your expository sermons on the Bible, thank you.
36. Provide a summary of Jesus’ comments at Mt. 13.14:
"14 Indeed, in their case the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled that says:
“You will indeed hear but never understand,
and you will indeed see but never perceive.”
15 For this people's heart has grown dull,
and with their ears they can barely hear,
and their eyes they have closed,
lest they should see with their eyes
and hear with their ears
and understand with their heart
and turn, and I would heal them.’”
37. What’s the “weeping and gnashing of teeth” in Mt. 13.50? Rhetorical flourish?
38. Why was John the Baptist beheaded in Mt. 14? Did he compromise his best life now?
39. What’s the leaven of the Pharisees and Scribes in Mt. 16.1-12? When Jesus said “Beware,” was this a suggestion? If a command, what does that mean? Whom should we avoid today?
40. Who gave Peter faith in Mt. 16.13ff? Who gives anyone faith and repentance? Explain.
41. Why is Jesus so negative with “O faithless and perverse generation…?” (Mt. 17.17)? Should we edit this out of the text?
42. Explain church discipline and excommunication in Mt. 18.15-20. After that, explain, without compromising pastoral communications, situations—in general—where this has occurred at Lakeside.
43. What is Jesus’ view of marriage and divorce, Mt. 19? What is your church’s position?
44. Galatians 6.7: “What a man sows he reaps…” Joel, you often claim you don’t know very much. Are you reaping what you’ve sown? And, are you sowing the same seed of your own ignorance? Are you attracting people who are like you? Ignorant? Or, does that matter? Do we really need 66 canonical books after all?
45. Eph.1.3-14: explain election, redemption, vicarious and penal satisfaction, forgiveness, predestination and the sealing of the Holy Spirit.
46. Eph. 2.1: explain what “dead in your sins and trespasses” means to Paul and for your own preaching.
47. Eph. 4.3: “the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace…” What are you a sectarian? What connection does Lakeside have with historic, Creedal and Confessional Christianity? Do you have one?
48. Eph. 4.14: “every wind of doctrine by the trickery of men in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting…” What is this? Where does this occur? Give names, dates and circumstances during Paul’s life, an overview of church history, and some insights to our times. Or, is Paul just a tad-bit agitated and over-worked?
49. Eph. 4.18-19, explain these terms: “understanding darkened…to work uncleanness with greediness…” Is there any greediness at TBN? Is it unclean? If so, what are the plans for a clean-up?
50. Joel, what are we to do with Rev. 9.20-21? Explain the Second Coming. Also, does your ministry end up worshipping gold, silver, bronze, wood and other things? Hare you addressed sexual immorality from the pulpit?
“20 The rest of mankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent of the works of their hands nor give up worshiping demons and idols of gold and silver and bronze and stone and wood, which cannot see or hear or walk, 21 nor did they repent of their murders or their sorceries or their sexual immorality or their thefts.”
51. What are the “woes” here for that best life now? Rev. 12.12?
"12 Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!”
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