Dangers of an Uneducated Ministry: "You May Have Been Raised Charismatic If…"

Tim Schraeder on 02/29/2012 posts the following.  He does so with joy and fondness, but we draw the opposite conclusions.  He proud of this stuff?  Takes joy in it?  There is flippancy, self-referential comedy, and irreverence in content and tone--who's surprised?  Tom states, "I wouldn’t trade it for the world."  We'd recommend trading all this stuff of manifold loondom.  More evidence for the dangers of an illiterate and uneducated ministry. 
http://www.timschraeder.com/2012/02/29/you-may-have-been-raised-charismatic-if/

My Christian journey was profoundly shaped by the fact that I was raised in what some would call a charismatic church. I was raised in an Assemblies of God church and the first five years of my life in ministry were working on staff at an A/G church. I am grateful for how I was raised and after no longer attending an A/G church, I have come to value the impact growing up in a charismatic church made on my life. I will, however, note that there are some unique and quirky things that come along with it.

This list is by no means intended to belittle the charismatic upbringing I had, but more to celebrate some of the oddities that can be associated with the heritage we charismatic kids can share.

You may have been raised charismatic if…

• you’ve recommitted your life to Christ more than 10 times per year.
• you would say a quick prayer asking for the forgiveness of as many sins as you can remember when the traveling prophet would start walking around in the congregation.
• a family road trip included stops in Toronto or Pensacola, Florida, in the mid-late 90s.
• you know what the initial evidence of the infilling of the Holy Spirit is.
• you were a cast member in “Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames.”
• your church logo had a dove on fire.
• you feel uncomfortable in churches where people don’t raise their hands.
• you liked Hillsong before they were cool.
• your church was worried about Y2K.
• you’ve experienced and/or participated in a Jericho March.
• you’ve question the salvation of your Catholic friends.
• you’ve complained about worship services being too short.
• someone in your service ‘caught’ the Holy Ghost, and subsequently gave it to others.
• you know what JBQ stands for.
• you’ve ‘laid’ things at the altar, but never physically left anything there.
• your church showed the “Thief in the Night” movies followed by an emotional appeal for people to be sure of their salvation.
• you’ve been grazed by a banner during a worship service.
• you’ve worried you’ve missed the rapture on more than one occasion when you can’t get a hold of your Christian family members.
• the only kind of dancing that’s allowed at your church is dancing in the Spirit.
• it’s common for people to take their shoes off during worship.
• your church’s altar ministry team included “catchers.”
• your pastor would shout and sweat when he preached.
• you friends’ parents were skeptical of letting them come with you to youth group.
• your college options were Northwestern, Southwestern, Central, Southeastern, or North Central.
• there was lots of talk about the End Times in sermons.
• your church had real altars at the front.
• your youth group did a “Hell House” during Halloween.
• you were in Royal Rangers or Missionettes.
• it was OK for women to be pastors, prophets, teachers, or evangelists.
• one of your family vacations was to Heritage USA.
• you get the shivers listening to the song “The Mercy Seat.”
• you know what a “human video” is.
• there were banners and tambourines with ribbons used in your worship services.
• your worship leader would sing the same refrain or chorus from a song for more than 5 minutes.
• your grandparents watch and give money to TBN.
• the ushers in your church wore maroon or purple sport coats with gold name badges.
• you’ve had to explain to your friends what being slain in the Spirit means.
• your church had a ‘blanket’ ministry.
• you know the names Oral Roberts, Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, and Jesse Duplantis.
• your parents were members of the Maranatha/Integrity praise tape club.
• your Easter services included live animals.
• the movie Jesus Camp was eerily similar to your summer Bible camps.
• your Christmas services were like a Broadway show.
• you took a water bottle with you to church.
• you would find your seat after the worship portion of your church service.
• you have had a “word” spoken over your life.
• Kleenex boxes lined the front altar of your church.
• you know the significance of Azusa Street.
• you’ve made Faith Promise or made of Vow of Faith.
• your church was known as the “rock and roll” church.
• your pastor went from being very conservative in the 90s to very trendy in more recent days.
• there was no such thing as an “order of service” at your church.
• your youth pastor used lots of hair gel.
• your church took over Denny’s, Perkins or any 24-hour restaurant around 10 PM on Sunday nights.
• you’re comfortable with spontaneous singing.
• you know there are two IHOPs.
• the shofar was used in your church’s worship services.
• Pentecost Sunday was a big deal at your church.
• some of your church services were all worship and no teaching [mainly on Sunday evenings or Wednesday nights].
• your pastor was skeptical of the seeker-sensitive movement.
• summer camp involved pressure for you to receive your prayer language.
• it was common for people to start speaking loudly in the middle of your worship service and use phrases like “my children…” or “thus saith the Lord…”
• your church celebrated the Year of Jubilee.
• you faked being “blessed by the Spirit” to get out of taking tests at your Christian school. [I did that once.]
• you know what Buddy Barrel is.
• photos of your pastor and his wife were predominant in publications.
• the phrase, “I’m feeling led by the Spirit right now to…” was used frequently in your church services.
• you would have to ask people around you if they wanted you to walk down to the altar with them.
• the phrase “IshouldaboughtaHondabutIboughtaNissan” makes you laugh and makes you feel guilty at the same time.
• you would address people as “Brother” or “Sister.”
• the altar call lasted as long as the actual church service.
• when someone shouted “FIRE!” in your church it didn’t cause alarm.
• you’ve been drunk…in the Spirit.
• you would keep your eyes open during a response time to see if people were really raising their hands all across the room.
• if this resembles one of your church services:

See Charlie Brown Praise Break : http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yDWeyVEyKEI

Ok, ok I know. I need to stop. But really, the longer this list of charismania got the more I realized how crazy and special it was to share the joys of being raised charismatic. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.